THe following was sent to the blog for the Candidates and Inquirers Retreat currently taking place in Michgan. You can view the blog here at: http://www.bookofdis-order.blogspot.com/
---
How to stay connected without bleeding over the church?
Good question. Especially for those on the path to ordination who identify themsleves as queer.
Yet, a more important question, I think, is how not to allow our need for comfort and our fear of rejection prevent us from being honest and transparent with those who will bring their lives to us as their ministers.
The answer to both questions, for me, has been to embrace the possibility of not being ordained (I was) and losing the ordination (not yet!) by being honest and out from the start. When I finally realized that I did not need to be ordained to the degree that I would be other than who I was in such a sacred process, well - I think a lot of the bleeding stopped. It was the realization that my call was to stay on the path with the voice and life I had been given and leave the rest up to God. It took a while, but once I got there the freedom and the path opened in ways I never would have imagined.
For me, the idea of quietly shutting down part of the sacred gift of my identity to accommodate those who might approve me for ordination was to participate in the violence that nearly took my life and my soul. It would mean that I was to become complicit in perpetrating the silence that has been imposed on queer folk by the same instruction that invites us in, if we will just be quiet. For me, that is not an invitation to serve. It is an invitation to something quite different and, well, dysfunctional.
Not bleeding over the church may only be possible when we don't hold on so tightly to the church that we find ourselves impaled on the deceptive violence we hope to overturn by eliminating G-6.0106b from the Book of Order. True ministry is always about those we serve, and for me they deserve the greatest gift of all from their ministers – transparency that reveals the heart and creation of the God who calls us to this work in ways that welcome them with the same radical hospitality of Jesus -- alive and well in these limited days of ours.
I hope you find the retreat to be a blessed time of discernment, truth, and courage as only the Holy Spirit can make happen!
Peace and Namasthe,
Ray Bagnuolo, Palisades Presbyterian Church, Palisades, NY
Friday, June 8, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
On the Rev. Dr. Jerry Falwell...
I never really thought I would be writing about the Rev. Dr. Jerry Falwell.
So much has been broadcast and written about him in the past few days, that at times I barely recognized the man.
Having been privileged to serve at several memorial services, it has often been the case that when those gathered speak about the one who has died, they frequently find out information they never knew about the individual. So, I am not surprised that we are finding out many things we never knew about someone as public as this man, especially as the special reports and editorials continue. We are learnng more about his faith, relation to his family, and other honorable qualities he exemplified, and I join with all who know the sting of loss and the promise of eternal glory, including the Falwells and their friends and followers. I share this time in prayer for them and all those who are navigating the sacred space of letting go of someone they loved.
It is true for me, though, that those with the bully pulpit (in religious or public life) who have spoken out against gay people from whatever their convictions may be -- these individuals have been responsible for spreading hatred and violence. Have we forgotten that in the last few days?
What is more disconcerting is that individuals with a wide following and even universities established in their names - leave behind them legacies that gain fervor in seeking to honor those who have passed.
Would it surprise anyone that the next one to step into the position left vacant by Dr. Falwell's passing would exert their authority as a leader of the moral majority on the backs of gays and the protection of the family? Certainly there are other examples of this, most recently in the succession of Pope John Paul II. A simple Internet search of recent days makes that very clear.
On many occasions, I have sat and spoken with those who some might call my enemies. I really don't feel that I have enemies. It may be true that I do, but I look at everyone as a brother and sister with respect and love. I am called to do that as an imperfect follower of the teachings of Jesus. However, when I finish my conversations with those who were intent on changing me or condmening me, however charming, public, well-known, or powerful they might have been -- it was always clear to me that they were wrong in their position that we (the LGBT community) were somehow "less than" or a "second-class" because we were gay. How could we feel otherwise?
When these same folk used their influence to marginalize us and galvanize others to do the same, they were not only wrong -- they had become dangerous. When someone like a Dr. Falwell cited us as a contributing factor to the destruction at Ground Zero or threats to the family - we have a responsibility to love such people and then speak out strongly and transparently to let folks SEE us and know us, as best we can.
Probably the greatest damage of the teachings of zealots is that they use the fear they condemn to dominate and quiet those they wish to exclude. The fear and the repercussions that are real or imagined from such campaigns and pograms force gay people more deeply into the closet. We become represented by an out few and a blessed group of supporters. We hear others speaking about and for us -- rather than our speaking about and for ourselves. We reinforce that we have something to hide, by hiding ourselves.
I believe that until we grow into a community that is willing to take risks across a broad spectrum to address these systems doing their best to controlling our lives, we will be ineffective in meaningful change during anything that looks like our lifetimes.
So, the answer for many of us is that we walk alongside those who wish us silent, waiting to be recognized and admitted into their hearts and voices. We join in the throngs who see someone like a Dr. Falwell as worthy of being honored for his work against us, as helping us in our own movement. Really?
Early AIDS activist goup "Act-Up" had as their slogan: "Silence = Death." If we really want to make a difference, we all need to find ways to end the silence. Let's not be quiet about those who seek to destroy us in life or in death. There is no honor in their actions for us, nor is there any gain in our silence.
So much has been broadcast and written about him in the past few days, that at times I barely recognized the man.
Having been privileged to serve at several memorial services, it has often been the case that when those gathered speak about the one who has died, they frequently find out information they never knew about the individual. So, I am not surprised that we are finding out many things we never knew about someone as public as this man, especially as the special reports and editorials continue. We are learnng more about his faith, relation to his family, and other honorable qualities he exemplified, and I join with all who know the sting of loss and the promise of eternal glory, including the Falwells and their friends and followers. I share this time in prayer for them and all those who are navigating the sacred space of letting go of someone they loved.
It is true for me, though, that those with the bully pulpit (in religious or public life) who have spoken out against gay people from whatever their convictions may be -- these individuals have been responsible for spreading hatred and violence. Have we forgotten that in the last few days?
What is more disconcerting is that individuals with a wide following and even universities established in their names - leave behind them legacies that gain fervor in seeking to honor those who have passed.
Would it surprise anyone that the next one to step into the position left vacant by Dr. Falwell's passing would exert their authority as a leader of the moral majority on the backs of gays and the protection of the family? Certainly there are other examples of this, most recently in the succession of Pope John Paul II. A simple Internet search of recent days makes that very clear.
On many occasions, I have sat and spoken with those who some might call my enemies. I really don't feel that I have enemies. It may be true that I do, but I look at everyone as a brother and sister with respect and love. I am called to do that as an imperfect follower of the teachings of Jesus. However, when I finish my conversations with those who were intent on changing me or condmening me, however charming, public, well-known, or powerful they might have been -- it was always clear to me that they were wrong in their position that we (the LGBT community) were somehow "less than" or a "second-class" because we were gay. How could we feel otherwise?
When these same folk used their influence to marginalize us and galvanize others to do the same, they were not only wrong -- they had become dangerous. When someone like a Dr. Falwell cited us as a contributing factor to the destruction at Ground Zero or threats to the family - we have a responsibility to love such people and then speak out strongly and transparently to let folks SEE us and know us, as best we can.
Probably the greatest damage of the teachings of zealots is that they use the fear they condemn to dominate and quiet those they wish to exclude. The fear and the repercussions that are real or imagined from such campaigns and pograms force gay people more deeply into the closet. We become represented by an out few and a blessed group of supporters. We hear others speaking about and for us -- rather than our speaking about and for ourselves. We reinforce that we have something to hide, by hiding ourselves.
I believe that until we grow into a community that is willing to take risks across a broad spectrum to address these systems doing their best to controlling our lives, we will be ineffective in meaningful change during anything that looks like our lifetimes.
So, the answer for many of us is that we walk alongside those who wish us silent, waiting to be recognized and admitted into their hearts and voices. We join in the throngs who see someone like a Dr. Falwell as worthy of being honored for his work against us, as helping us in our own movement. Really?
Early AIDS activist goup "Act-Up" had as their slogan: "Silence = Death." If we really want to make a difference, we all need to find ways to end the silence. Let's not be quiet about those who seek to destroy us in life or in death. There is no honor in their actions for us, nor is there any gain in our silence.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
The Triumph of Fear
I sat in my faovrite pizzeria on Sunday. It's become my usual stop after service and coffee hour at church. My Sunday mornings begin about 2 A.M., as I finish the final draft of my sermon and last minute bulletin changes. It's a good time for me to write. Anyway, somewhere around 12 hours later, I'm on my way home, hungry, and then ready for a Sunday nap.
As I waited, the normally genial pizza guy was in something of a tizzy, railing against the church to a customer, connecting his angst with an early childhood experience in which he was tossed out of church. It seems this priest of his childhood had made a comment about Jesus being lowered through the ceiling. Kids, being kids, took the image and converted it into an animated discussion about Jesus coming through their roof, in that church, right then and there!
As a teacher, I see it as a perfectly understandable, teachable moment. Back in the 50's, the humor wasn't so readily embraced. In this case, it was seen as being disrespectful, inattentive, and maybe even sacriligious. Fifty years later, sometimes, it seems as though not much has changed. Jesus is still foisted on many in narrow, overly-defined ways - in other words, as a hostage to particular beliefs or ideas. Jesus, not being used to inform beliefs or ideals, but used in the most unlikely of ways as ballast for individual or institutional agendas - many about as far away from Jesus as you can get. And it's become serious, too serious.
Ever wonder if we are missing the joy and even good time that Jesus had in his ministry, amidst his work. As his ministry grew and he matured, the wonder of the diversity and inclusiveness of those who were disenfranchised and found hospitality and welcome with him must have been a great source of joy and fulfillment. Those who were welcome no where else, were welcome with him. We keep missing that lesson, especially when we get close to the idea of a church, in particular the Presbyterian Church USA, embracing LGBT folk as we do, basically, all others.
What might it have been like if we had gotten the message sooner and took the same risks Jesus did in his hospitality and welcome? Imagine gay kids growing up and feeling perfectly comfortable and affirmed by their church; yes, their church, too. The world would be a different place.
But somewhere along the way, we gave up that invtation to prophetic sanctuary and shelter in favor of our own fears. And the fears are many: fear of "catching gay" (whatever that means), fear of losing a place in heaven, fear of children being in danger around gay people, fear, fear, fear.
Since fear cannot be acknowledged for what it is, it has to be renamed and framed in more acceptable terms. And so, bias and prejudice become disguised as things like righteousness, faithfulness, protectiveness, love (if only you would change, they say - we love you, but we hate your sin), and on and on.
What happened to the two greatest commandments of all? Since when did love one another bring with it a manifesto to change others to fit a mold? We love you, let us change you.
No, it's more like: "We're scared to death of you and what welcoming you means to our comfortable, well-planned out lives and after-lives. It's best we keep you out of this church, out of wedlock, and out of our sight - at least until things change."
Fear triumphs in ways that change otherwise good and kind hearts into calcified and cruel instruments that beat only with the blood that passes through them. The warmth, the love, the willingness to risk for the sake of others has gone and in its place self-centered fear has taken up residence, disguised in the most comfortable of ways.
As I waited, the normally genial pizza guy was in something of a tizzy, railing against the church to a customer, connecting his angst with an early childhood experience in which he was tossed out of church. It seems this priest of his childhood had made a comment about Jesus being lowered through the ceiling. Kids, being kids, took the image and converted it into an animated discussion about Jesus coming through their roof, in that church, right then and there!
As a teacher, I see it as a perfectly understandable, teachable moment. Back in the 50's, the humor wasn't so readily embraced. In this case, it was seen as being disrespectful, inattentive, and maybe even sacriligious. Fifty years later, sometimes, it seems as though not much has changed. Jesus is still foisted on many in narrow, overly-defined ways - in other words, as a hostage to particular beliefs or ideas. Jesus, not being used to inform beliefs or ideals, but used in the most unlikely of ways as ballast for individual or institutional agendas - many about as far away from Jesus as you can get. And it's become serious, too serious.
Ever wonder if we are missing the joy and even good time that Jesus had in his ministry, amidst his work. As his ministry grew and he matured, the wonder of the diversity and inclusiveness of those who were disenfranchised and found hospitality and welcome with him must have been a great source of joy and fulfillment. Those who were welcome no where else, were welcome with him. We keep missing that lesson, especially when we get close to the idea of a church, in particular the Presbyterian Church USA, embracing LGBT folk as we do, basically, all others.
What might it have been like if we had gotten the message sooner and took the same risks Jesus did in his hospitality and welcome? Imagine gay kids growing up and feeling perfectly comfortable and affirmed by their church; yes, their church, too. The world would be a different place.
But somewhere along the way, we gave up that invtation to prophetic sanctuary and shelter in favor of our own fears. And the fears are many: fear of "catching gay" (whatever that means), fear of losing a place in heaven, fear of children being in danger around gay people, fear, fear, fear.
Since fear cannot be acknowledged for what it is, it has to be renamed and framed in more acceptable terms. And so, bias and prejudice become disguised as things like righteousness, faithfulness, protectiveness, love (if only you would change, they say - we love you, but we hate your sin), and on and on.
What happened to the two greatest commandments of all? Since when did love one another bring with it a manifesto to change others to fit a mold? We love you, let us change you.
No, it's more like: "We're scared to death of you and what welcoming you means to our comfortable, well-planned out lives and after-lives. It's best we keep you out of this church, out of wedlock, and out of our sight - at least until things change."
Fear triumphs in ways that change otherwise good and kind hearts into calcified and cruel instruments that beat only with the blood that passes through them. The warmth, the love, the willingness to risk for the sake of others has gone and in its place self-centered fear has taken up residence, disguised in the most comfortable of ways.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
The Myth of the Middle
With less than 1% of the US population being Presbyterian and a dwindling amount of those folks being active members in terms of church attendance, it would seem that our middle is looking more and more like the rest of us - thin and thinning.
The dominant strategy, as I have observed it, during my 12 years in the PC(USA)- as it applies to welcoming LGBT/Q folk into the full work and worship of the church - has been largely based on changing the hearts and minds of the "middle" of the church, that group of believers who are not sure they want to see change -- but are sure that whatever change occurs should happen slowly and in an orderly, consitutional way. Churches, individuals, and groups who call for faster change or even more strident "enforcement" of the constitution - frequently have found themselves further marginalized by this "middle group," in a variety of ways.
The primary goal of the "middle church" and its most visible leadership is to keep the church together at all costs - even if that means creating or sustaining situations that make it intolerable, unhealthy, unsafe, and spiritually violent for the marginalized to stay. I am absolutely sure that this is far from their intentions -- however, it is frequently the end result of their actions. PUP, for example, supported to a large degree by the middle majority at the last GA, has done more to drive a wedge between groups working for change than any action short of adding G-6.0106b to the Book of Order.
Speaking of the Book of Order, I actually think the Book of Order is en eloquent, generally faithfully inspired and loving document. One example has to do with G-3.0400, where the church is called to risk and to trust in its mission:
The dominant strategy, as I have observed it, during my 12 years in the PC(USA)- as it applies to welcoming LGBT/Q folk into the full work and worship of the church - has been largely based on changing the hearts and minds of the "middle" of the church, that group of believers who are not sure they want to see change -- but are sure that whatever change occurs should happen slowly and in an orderly, consitutional way. Churches, individuals, and groups who call for faster change or even more strident "enforcement" of the constitution - frequently have found themselves further marginalized by this "middle group," in a variety of ways.
The primary goal of the "middle church" and its most visible leadership is to keep the church together at all costs - even if that means creating or sustaining situations that make it intolerable, unhealthy, unsafe, and spiritually violent for the marginalized to stay. I am absolutely sure that this is far from their intentions -- however, it is frequently the end result of their actions. PUP, for example, supported to a large degree by the middle majority at the last GA, has done more to drive a wedge between groups working for change than any action short of adding G-6.0106b to the Book of Order.
Speaking of the Book of Order, I actually think the Book of Order is en eloquent, generally faithfully inspired and loving document. One example has to do with G-3.0400, where the church is called to risk and to trust in its mission:
The church is called to undertake this mission even at the risk of losing its life, trusting God alone as the author and giver of life, sharing the gospel and doing those deeds in the world that point beyond themsleves to the new reality of Christ.
There is diagreement. What is the new reality of Christ? What do the Scriptures and the words we use, pointers at best to more than we could ever know, what do they mean? As my seminary professior, The Rev. Dr. Barbara Austin-Lucas once said, "When you read the Bible, it reads you." I believe that, so I cannot tell you what is in your heart. I can tell you that I don't believe that the new reality of Christ is:
- Violence as the price of order
- Marginalization as a device of unity
- Domination as a method of instruction
- Rejection of consecrated love between same-sex couples
- Patience that takes no risk
- Exclusion of God's creation based on human judgments
No, the myth of the middle is that it is actually a place of fear, not a place of action. Like the human body that immediately sends the blood to its middle vital organs when threatened, so too are the current methods and designs of efforts like PUP more a warming blanket for the fears of those who are least affected by their own actions or inactions -- than real and immediate movement for those living under the debris of years of ineffective and unconscionable practices.
Next, how did we get to this place of faith trumped by fear?
More to come...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
PC(USA) and the LGBT/Q Community
G-6.0106b must go. It's that simple. Anything other than a direct and concerted assault on G-6.0106b is palliative care for everyone except those who suffer daily because their church treats them like second-class children of God.
I know, you say that's a little harsh. Is it, really? This struggle has been going on for thrity-plus years. During the mid-eighties, dozens of my friends died before they got much older -- for the same reason: fear.
The same fear that kep a president from mentioning the word AIDS even once from the bully pulpit in the midst of the crisis during his eight years in office -- is the same fear that is keeping this church from being the prophetic, inclusive, courageous Christian church it's leader gave his life to provide us.
Hyperbole? Rhetoric? Calm down? No!
See, that's the problem. People think we can take our time, strategize, find other ways to "not upset the mainstream church," while we work things out. Too many folks are living as though this is an "issue" - the "gay issue." Well, we are not "issues," but living breathing human beings who are dying -- yes dying because churches can't get it right -- and when they do, like the Episcopal Church almost has -- they get nailed with intense pressure to back-off, "you're going too fast, slow down."(Sounds a lot what some were saying to Martin that prompted his 1963 Letter from a Birmingham Jail .)
No. We can't slow down, take it easy, -- or at least I can't -- and I won't.
GA2008 is about 15 months away. There's going to be all kinds of spin coming out on why we should leave the consitution intact, work around it, establish test cases for ordination, scruples, essential tenets. That's the language and action of delay, by many well-meaning souls, but none the less -- it is unacceptable.
So join me in this grass roots movement to do everything we can to keep the focus on removing the barbed wire, as others have said, from around the sacred sexual intimacy and life that God has given our LGBT/Q sisters and brothers and others for whom G-6.0106b is an act of violence. In a word, all of us.
More to come...
Peace,
Ray
I know, you say that's a little harsh. Is it, really? This struggle has been going on for thrity-plus years. During the mid-eighties, dozens of my friends died before they got much older -- for the same reason: fear.
The same fear that kep a president from mentioning the word AIDS even once from the bully pulpit in the midst of the crisis during his eight years in office -- is the same fear that is keeping this church from being the prophetic, inclusive, courageous Christian church it's leader gave his life to provide us.
Hyperbole? Rhetoric? Calm down? No!
See, that's the problem. People think we can take our time, strategize, find other ways to "not upset the mainstream church," while we work things out. Too many folks are living as though this is an "issue" - the "gay issue." Well, we are not "issues," but living breathing human beings who are dying -- yes dying because churches can't get it right -- and when they do, like the Episcopal Church almost has -- they get nailed with intense pressure to back-off, "you're going too fast, slow down."(Sounds a lot what some were saying to Martin that prompted his 1963 Letter from a Birmingham Jail .)
No. We can't slow down, take it easy, -- or at least I can't -- and I won't.
GA2008 is about 15 months away. There's going to be all kinds of spin coming out on why we should leave the consitution intact, work around it, establish test cases for ordination, scruples, essential tenets. That's the language and action of delay, by many well-meaning souls, but none the less -- it is unacceptable.
So join me in this grass roots movement to do everything we can to keep the focus on removing the barbed wire, as others have said, from around the sacred sexual intimacy and life that God has given our LGBT/Q sisters and brothers and others for whom G-6.0106b is an act of violence. In a word, all of us.
More to come...
Peace,
Ray
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)