GA220: A Display of Rainbow Grace!

I know. We ended up this assembly with ANOTHER STUDY. True. But what continues to be most amazing about this assembly is not the outcome but the demonstration, the promise of what is to come.

Think about what happened here. We had a vice moderator who resigned because of pressure she received for marrying a lesbian couple. We cringed at how she was treated. And, at a meeting to process the swirl of rumor and fact that surrounded her stepping down, ministers stood up and identified themselves openly as having performed same gender weddings. Ruth Hamilton, David Ensign, Mieke Vandersall, and I made it clear that we, too, conducted and will continue to conduct these marriage in states where they are legal - as being faithful to our ordination vows.

Others will follow as we simply refuse to accept the injustice. More will come...

Rev. Ruth Hamilton, a commissioner to the GA from National Capital, in a powerful statement from the plenary floor called others to COME OUT and identify themselves, their churches, and councils as having been part of the growing number of ministers and churches marrying same gender couples.

Looking for prophetic voices?  We haven't heard anything yet!

I don't know if you remember, but to get someone to even whisper such things in the not too distant past was almost impossible except for a very few. And they often found themselves quickly charged. It seems such threats, whether based in polity or out of efforts at intimidation have lost their salt. 

And, consider that it was at the last assembly that we passed Amendment 10-A that is now ratified and in our Book of Order. We are now ordaining pastors who would have been kept out with G-6.0106b, just two years ago. And today, at the very next general assembly we are in the process of bringing marriage equality to a mainline protestant denomination - the PC(USA). 

Yes, we are behind...but we are catching up in a hurry.

I can't help think about how many years it took to get G-6.0106b out of the Book of Order.  

And marriage? 

Remember, it was at the last general assembly that a parliamentary procedure was used to prevent marriage from even being discussed. We never even got to talk about it, following the exceptional report compiled by the marriage committee. And this year we not only get the amendment to the floor of the presbytery, we come back and nearly pass an amendment to change the constitution to become more welcoming for same gender couples in marriage with a margin of less than 5% separating the voltes: 308 - 338! 

And! In the process of getting to this vote, the commissioners turned back two minority reports, did not limit debate, and dismissed a series of claims about whether or not the amendment was even in order. What followed was more than a four hour conversation on the lives of people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender - those who love them, their pastors and families, and what this church is not doing to make us as welcome and safe as we all should be as baptized sisters and brothers. 

The evidence of grace is everywhere. I truly believe that every minute every single person who ever worked for justice and love in this church for the LGBT community is building to critical mass. Call it a crest, a tipping point, an emergence, or the Holy Spirit - it is happening and we have a terrific community building in numbers and strength to take us forward. Just take a look at the YAD's, TSAD's, and others - who even in disagreement came together. Courage, too, was on display.

Yes, there was some snarky stuff that happened, the comments that took the air out of the room, the extreme anger and ignorance that surfaced here and there, not to mention the treatment of the Tara and Neal. It was on display for more and more people to see just what we face all too often - and what no one should ever face in the church, any church, especially not this church.

I also have to mention the powerful sermons of The Rev. Dr. Margaret Aymer Oget and Elder Tony De La Rosa, with thanks to Cindy Bolbach for bringing their message to us all. My friend Joe Gilmore, the pastor of South Presbyterian Church in Dobbs Ferry, NY once told me that he often thought of God pacing the horizon, waiting, waiting for us to catch up. We're on our way God, on out way...and we've got a rainbow scarves around our necks, flowing in the wind!

I came here expecting to leave with it all. And, honestly, we will leave with more than we expected -- and work to do.

Thank you all for your hard work and faithfulness in staying true to this call. We have only just begun, and the clock to the 221st General Assembly has already started. 

In all the ways you may know God, give thanks - as I do for each and every one of you.

Ray

Response to Presbyterian Outlook - May 4, 2012

Court clears way for Larges’ ordination

A way forward together...

Lisa Larges' faithfulness to her call has carried us all through the entire judiciary and legislative process that brings us to this time and place of hope and welcoming for all. For more than twenty years, she has been steadfast in loving and serving this church. Long ago, Lisa agreed to say "Yes" to the call that many reading this will understand. She said, "Yes" and then lived into the mystery of God’s path that now meets the broader highway, clearing the way so that others may freely serve. 

The notion that this is a "victory" can only be embraced by those who misunderstand that Lisa's deep and abiding love for others was never divided the way some have tried to divide this church. This journey was and continues to be about healing an unjust and broken church that through its exclusion of sisters and brothers who were Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) - excluded a portion of God. 

In the ruling of the GAPJC, it was clear that there is still disagreement about whether folks like Lisa (and me) who identify themselves as LGBT should be ordained. Yet, in a hopeful and Christian response, a very Presbyterian embrace of mutual forbearance and the historical traditions of this church, the commissioners' ruling made it clear that we can disagree and move forward without creating distance between us. We can trust God into this time of healing and reaching out to one another. 

It is for these any many other reasons that I started out by saying that this decision creates an opportunity for all of us to live more lovingly and fully into welcoming all. The courage of the commissioners to reach the unanimous and honest decision that they did is a call to us all that this, like other great shifts in the history of our church, signals a time to move forward...together.

As for the title of this piece, “Court clears way for Larges’ ordination” - while the court provided the response, it is God who clears the way. Just as God is now clearing the way for Lisa’s next call.

Rev. Ray Bagnuolo, Stated Supply Pastor

Jan Hus Presbyterian Church and Neighborhood House

New York City

Moving a Church Forward with Love and Justice for the Gay Community

Standing on the Side of Love & Justice

Monday, October 31 2011 @ 09:32 AM More Light Presbyterians are committed to the achievement of spiritual, ordination and marriage equality for LGBT persons within our Church and equal rights in civil society. More Light Presbyterians continues to work with others toward marriage equality, including changes in the Directory for Worship, and requests for Authoritative Interpretation. MLP supports the freedom and discretion of sessions to extend hospitality to same gender loving couples seeking to join their lives in the commitment of marriage. MLP claims that same freedom and discretion for teaching elders to preside at marriage services for same gender loving couples, especially as more states move to legalize these marriages. We oppose all attempts by any entity to rescind the gains for justice punctuated by the passage of G-2.0104. Adopted by the MLP Board of Directors in Rochester, NY on September 2, 2011 Reflecting upon MLP's Statement of moving forward for marriage equality in the PC(USA), just a few comments at this point.   The courage and spirit of people who are LGBT, their families, friends, and allies have given great momentum to the change in this church. A change long overdue. The long-term exclusion of sisters and brothers is starting to be replaced with real equality. I am grateful to MLP, it's leadership, and all who support it in its dedication to BOTH constitutional change that makes marriage equality an inherent part of our form of government AND authoritative interpretations which free our ministers to marry same gender loving couples in states where legal.    We move forward in justice and love, welcoming all to join in this raising up and affirming the power of this church, the PCUSA, to witness and practice God's Love, in which no exclusion or injustice can survive, becoming a church in which people who identify as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender are welcomed with the same love and grace with which the Creator gave us life.   We know of the terrible pain and suffering that gay folk have been subjected to, in part because we who are gay have lived through too much of the inherent violence of exclusion ourselves. We recognize that we who are gay, our family, friends, and allies are looking to the leaders of this church and the pro-LGBT movement for real and honest change. And, we also recognize that we - all of us are the leaders. Please get involved. Bring your voice, your pen, your presence and votes at presbytery meetings to continue the momentum and progress of the 219th General Assembly.   Need help getting started? Contact MLP at www.mlp.org or drop me a note.   Ray

10-A: The journey has just begun again...

Some days the Spirit moves things around as it goes by, so much so that you can follow its path by the clearing it leaves in its wake. I have always know such Spirit paths as invitations to follow, ways that indicate how we are to proceed.

This day, this day of Spirit and Grace when the PC(USA) moves even closer to a fully welcoming and affirming denomination, marks the opening of one of those highways for our membership and those who will come to join us. But, unlike most other grand openings of thoroughfares, newcomers will already find folk on the path; sisters and brothers who have been there for quite a while; the faithful who have been waiting for the church to catch up with what many of us have already known: the road had only been blocked by fear and resistance to what change might bring - and that the change never needed to be feared in the first place.

It may be that the new highway the Spirit has opened is, in fact, a bridge. A bridge that now connects the too many who couldn't get here from there - for whatever reasons - with one another. Some will choose to avoid the Emmaus Road on which we now are invited to walk together. But word will spread, as it always does. And when the Spirit brings a church together, sisters and brothers together, forgotten and found side by side - there is surely more to come.

So, on this day we give thanks for the lifting of the barrier used to prevent Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender folk from serving in the full work and mission of the PC(USA). It is a magnificent banner day, indeed. And the church, the PC(USA) has done well, thanks to the Spirit and all those who stayed on the path, all those now ready to welcome others with the wildly gracious hospitality and love that has always been God's gift to us all. All.

Welcome! And stay ready...for the journey has truly just begun, again...

It's divided us for too long...

Friends,

I have always believed that it is G-6.0106b that has divided us. Not the people, not their hearts, not their voices - but G-6.0106b. I have always believed that had this amendment not been added to the Book of Order folk would not have been forced to galvanize around one side or the other. Had it not been added to the Book of Order the lives of people who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender would not have become a litmus test for the faithfulness of an entire church. With the approaching ratification of Amendment 10-A, we have a chance to unify in a way that has been absent for decades.

With others, I have felt enormous sadness over the marginalization of people like me who were gay, or otherwise identified themselves as Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender. I have felt the hurt of allies, family, and friends who watched those they loved discriminated against in a church they loved as well. And with great heart and hope, I and so many others have been carried by the unceasing support and belief that our cause was faithful and our call was to stay the course.

Now, with ratification of 10-A imminent, we have an opportunity to unite - in our differences and our agreements. We have an opportunity to unite in the new missions ahead, trusting in God and the Holy Spirit to reveal a witness of healing and welcoming for all. A healing and welcoming that has been too long buried under the weight of G-6.0106b.

Having known the feeling of being pushed aside by the church, I know that there are others who may soon feel that the church they know and love has marginalized them with the ratification of 10-A. I would only pray and ask that we give each other a chance. The sisters and brothers who are members of the gay community have long worked for a fully inclusive church, not to push others away, but to draw us all in more closely. We are soon to be uniquely positioned to carry the Gospel to a world that needs us to step beyond our differences and give God the lead in this new way we are called.

This world that is broken in many ways needs us to step into the tension of inviting others to a spiritual home that welcomes all. That means we will first have to learn to welcome one another more intentionally. That celebration is the one that I pray for. That is celebration that awaits us. The ratification of 10-A is one more step toward a church that can really make a difference in ending our long-standing struggle and the start of the healing to which God calls us all.

Will this be easy. I suspect not. However, we are a church exceptionally practiced at embracing the challenges for which others seek faithful leadership. I believe God gave us this gift and challenge because of who we are, what is needed in this world, and our ability to see it through.

In the words of this morning's Gospel of John: (John 20:21): "Peace to you. Just as God has sent me, I send you."

Let us go forth together. It's been too long we've been apart in this way. I and others are ready to do all we can to move this healing and new unity in the PC(USA) and beyond. Please, let us hear from you and how we might be of help.

Ray Bagnuolo, Minister of Word and Sacrament

Even when fear sounds reasonable - it's still fear

There has been a lot written lately about the PC(USA) being "deathly ill." The symptons are attributed to a contagious virus, carried by some fellow Christians. The source of the diagnosis does not exactly say that, however, the intent to form a "more perfect union" elsewhere, away from the contagion makes that pretty clear. Away and protected in a designed bubble where communication with the outside carriers of the dread disease would be, unmistakenly, at arms' lengths, while the air inside remained pure.

It is no mistake that the notice of serious illness comes for the PC(USA) in the midst of a ratification campaign on Amendment 10-A. And, it is no mistake that the clear cause of this malady is the possibility that people who are LGBT might be fully welcomed in this church.

OMG. Imagine that.

Yes, fellow LGBT Christians, for some, we are the cause of all that is wrong with the world. We are the plague against which the immunization of distance and separation is the only hope. As intelligent and thoughtful as some may be in their compositions, essays, and comments, it is still all about fear. Fear, simply, of us.

There is even a progressive group that is referred to in the comments of those proclaiming the near death of the PC(USA) as understanding. They are seen by the diagnosticians as recognizing the validity of the position of those who would secede if we don't. In an oblique reference, the group welcomes the conversation.

More conversation? Naw. Are any of them gay. Have any of them  read Martin's "Letter from a Birmingham Jail."

This Sunday's reading of Matthew includes Matthew 5:25 "Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him/her, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison."

Coming to terms is not a command to acquiesce or entertain bigotry, but a charge to do everything one can to settle a dispute. Once all has been done that can be done, one moves forward and continues to love the accusers and those in fear of the accused.

That's where we are. We now go forward and continue to work toward ratification of 10-A, standing clearly behind its tenets and being clear to others that this is a church, at least for those of us who believe so, that can no longer marginalize our sisters and brothers who are LGBT.

And we make it clear, that when all is said and done and  our doors are opened wide to all as sisters and brothers of the same Creator - that we will not only turn around the irrelevance of church that so many complain of but that we will more importantly discover there was never anything to fear, at all.

Nope, not a thing.

More than the ratification of 10-A

The continuing struggle for the full welcoming of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) faithful into the work and worship of the Presbyterian Church (USA) has become a cycle unto itself. The wheel of change continues to spin, with arguments for and against full inclusion. Messages often blur as the motion of the debate goes around the center upon which it turns.

Any movement relies upon a working structure, whether in the laws of motion or the polity of a church. However, in the PC(USA) a breakdown appears to have occurred, in which parts of its design have become litmus tests of its members’ faithfulness. As a result, the center and central mission of the PC(USA) has come under question based on how welcoming we will be depending upon a vote for or against this amendment. The answer is once more perceived to be wrapped up in a decision on ratification of Amendment 10-A, currently before the presbyteries. Simply, the answer to the question of our faithfulness cannot be scripted by any amendment. The ratification of 10-A can only bear witness to the deep faithfulness that long preceded any debate, overture, or constitution, for that matter. The ratification will bear witness to how we choose to love one another, reflecting how we see God’s love for us. This is about much more than the ratification of 10-A.

Surely, study, examination, and review are important to the foundations and direction of the PC(USA), those it serves, and the world in which it witnesses. Problematic is that in any community of faith such methods only go so far. They cannot travel to the fullness of the heart or its design by God, let alone define God’s intentions. No one can. The mystery of God’s presence in the heart is limited in human understanding. Rather, God offers us an invitation to the mystery and wonder of giving of one’s self, one’s community, one’s world unto the care of God through the longings and listening of the heart, as well as the study and examinations of the mind. In short, a response to God as Love calls us to love and welcome others – including every baptized brother and sister into the full work and worship of the PC(USA). To do otherwise is to ignore the heart and the mystery God has given us; a heart yearning for us to trust more than to study. Any study that points otherwise must be flawed.

Perhaps, this time, there will be enough constitutional arguments and shifting within the PC(USA) for the ratification of Amendment 10-A, making this church a prophetic witness and model for others to follow. Certainly, thoughtful individuals who are expert, scholarly, and faithful in the ways of the PC(USA), its Constitution, and its traditions have provided ample paths to making such a choice.

Whatever the exchange, no argument or position can claim God or Love for itself, alone. Further, no argument can claim God or Love to exclude what God has created. Lastly, what no argument can claim is that God as Love would ever accept or tolerate the violence that is inherent in any decision toward marginalization and oppression of those God has created and those God continues to call. We avoid the discussion of violence, perhaps because given the choice in such terms would easily end the separation we now practice. None of us wishes to be complicit in hate crimes or their foment, and yet, our language of distance, amplified by being a “church,” indeed has impact that causes others harm.

When all debate is exhausted and biblical scholars have made their considerable contributions, the last question to answer in choosing whether to ratify Amendment 10-A will be “How do we Love?” Or, perhaps, “How do we welcome others to God?”

The choice in favor of Amendment 10-A is a choice of Love. There are enough arguments to provide ongoing debate, even suggesting a pause. That will always be so, until our faithfulness goes beyond the debate, into the Love that precedes all – all. These guiding questions for final consideration in voting for ratification are suggested:

a) Can we be faithful by excluding our baptized sisters and brothers who are LGBT from the full work and worship of the PC(USA)? Is ours a God who excludes those God has created?

b) Can we be faithful to the teachings of Jesus and the Church by fostering a climate of violence towards our LGBT sisters and brothers, affirming others’ hatred and homophobia with our decisions to marginalize?

c) Can we be a faithful reflection of God as Love by using our Constitution or fears to create a class of people less welcome or worthy than others?

Were that this was simply a matter of making a decision about loving one another as God loves us. It may be that such love is still growing in us, but with a decision to ratify Amendment 10-A, it may be much closer than we think in leading us to the family and witness we are meant to be.
---

Ray Bagnuolo is an openly gay minister of Word and Sacrament. He currently serves Jan Hus Presbyterian Church and Neighborhood House and its inner city ministry in NYC. He was one of the few openly gay Candidates for minister of Word and Sacrament examined and cleared to seek a call since the passage of G-6.0106b, refusing to abide by the G-6.0106b as a matter of conscience during his examination in 2005. Ray also serves on the Board of More Light Presbyterians.

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Why I will vote for 10-A

This is my response posted today on Bruce Reyes-Chow's blog, asking people to write in why they will vote "Yes" on 10-A, the modified version of G-6.0106b. Please add your comments to his page, as well.

1. Ray Bagnuolo, New York, NY
2. Twitter: raybagnuolo; Facebook: Ray Bagnuolo; bagnuolo.blogspot.com; 
3. Presbytery of New York City, Minister Member; Voting Date Spring 2011
4. Reason 1 for voting in favor of ratification: G-6.0106b should never have been inserted in the Book of Order, in the first place. This is first, about writing a wrong.
5. Reason 2 for voting in favor of ratification: A vote for 10-A is a vote for one another, as Christians and witnesses to the world.
6. Reason 3 for voting in favor of ratification: How could we ever accept complicity in the violence surrounding exclusion in general, and the gay community in particular, regardless of how unintentional that complicity might be. What better indications that 10-A needs to be ratified than to erase the role we have in the shunning and silence?
7.  My greatest hopes are that we embrace one another, forgive each other for the hurt and anguish and vow to enter into a community that no longer abides by fear. I wish, also, that the leadership at the highest levels of this church speak out against this violence toward our sisters and brothers - as we do about other worldly horrors. I hope for the leadership silence to be filled, instead, with voices of support for members of the church they serve.
8. No person in the work for including people who are LGBT, that I know of, has ever suggested that the resolution should be in forcing others out. That has been the wish, desire, effort on the part of many who oppose people who are LGBT. To suggest that we be held hostage for fear of others leaving is just that - a fear. It is also not a true condition. People leave and join all the time for different reasons. To place the burden of membership on the shoulders of a group some are trying to keep out of church leadership is just another form of violence, a political spin, which has no place in this (or any other) church.
9. In a post-B world (already begun) we focus on healing, in full display for others to see - in and out of our church. There is no question in my mind that we as Presbyterians are called to this time to help heal this world, while opening our churches, pulpits, and personal interaction with one another to carry the Gospel in a fullness that has long been missing.
10. As a Minister of Word and Sacrament, ordained as an openly gay man, while refusing to abide by G-6.0106b, I know the faithfulness of others, who like Jesus, set their face on Jerusalem, regardless of the risk, because it was the right, just, faithful thing to do. Scripture calls us to one another, even when we are not always comfortable with one another. This is not about comfort. It is about a change for love, which is all about Scripture.

A note on Scripture: There is no way to persuade or assure people to make a choice for welcoming LGBT solely on Scripture. We don't agree on Scripture. To force a decision on scriptural agreement is another way to postpone change and accept the violence of exclusion as a willing price for comfort or indecision. We are more than Scripture. Please, let all of you, all the ways that God informs you, bring you to welcoming all God's creation.

Summary: A vote for the ratification of 10A is a vote for one another. Perhaps the new thing God is doing in this world is giving us a chance to vote for one another in becoming a church that finally says, "Enough. We will not participate in the violence of the world, in this or any way. We will trust that God would never call us to such a place. We will take the risk that is part of the inherent call of every Christian - to love one another, without qualification."

This is personal. This is not an "issue." This is about real people and real lives being affected greatly by the decision that is before the presbyteries. This is about people you love and love you. Please, vote with me, for one another. And let us move on...

PCUSA: Yes on 10-A; A Vote for One Another

This post refers to upcoming votes in presbyteries on ratifying Amendment 10-A, which modifies the language of G-6.0106b, the amendment in the Book of Order mostly used to keep folk who are LGBT out of leadership roles. Bagnuolo, an openly gay ordained minister who refused to abide by G-6.0106b as a matter of conscience during his examination, talks about a vote for one another and the need to finally become the welcoming church we have long been called to be.

Sorry...the audio and video are a little out of synch. Trying to figure out why. I'll post just an audio file a little later. Thanks for bearing with me as I learn how to do these videos.

The Distance of Fear: Ruling in the Trial of The Rev. Dr. Janie Spahr & the PC(USA)

     I am really not used to dealing with anger to any great measure. Sure, I have it from time to time. As a person and a pastor, I struggle to use it in productive ways when it takes hold. Generally, with prayer and the help of friends, I get beyond it and move a bit further in what some of my friends refer to as “character building.”
     However, I have been spending the last several days struggling mightily to understand the anger in me generated by the guilty verdict of Janie Spahr by the Permanent Judicial Commission (PJC) of The Presbytery of the Redwoods. It been anything but an exercise in “character building.”
     Janie was charged by an anonymous complainant for her officiating at more than a dozen same gender weddings in California during a time when they were legal in the State. The PJC found Janie guilty of violating her ordination vows, the church constitution, and other rulings – while commending her on her prophetic ministry to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Community. The accuser was never named nor ever appeared.
     This decision and procedure was enough to generate disappointment and dismay. But there was more to this anger of mine this than just disappointment.
     I have been going over the events of the four days of hearings in Napa, trying to find the reason for the near sickness I have been feeling. A thousand questions I’ve asked of myself.
     Was it the failure of the PJC to notify the defense counsel that a seventh member of the PJC had days before said they would not be able to participate in the trial? Janie’s defense team found this out only hours before the trial began. This changed the PJC from a 7 member to a 6 member board; changing the necessary votes for a verdict of guilty from 5 to 4 (a 2/3rds vote was necessary for the decision). The guilty verdicts were all by a 4-2 vote.
     Was it the General Assembly Permanent Judicial Commission's (GAPJC) refusal of a request by Rev. Spahr and her counsel? They had gone to the GAPJC for guidance in the marriages before she officiated at them, in which she and her counsel noted that the civil laws of the State had changed, following their last ruling. She had been told she had "no standing" to make such a request. (The ruling in question was the outcome of an earlier hearing against Dr. Spahr. No standing?)
     Or, maybe it was my own sense of fairness that the PJC should have included someone who is openly a member of the LGBT community. Certainly, there was someone in The Presbytery of the Redwoods that could have stepped forward and been fair in their deliberation. Or do we only trust heterosexual individuals to make the best judgments in the church of those who are on trial, in part, for being Lesbian?
     Perhaps my anger came from the absence of any apparent sense of prophecy or awareness of the moment in history that was in the PJC’s hands, or from the dismissal of the heart-wrenching and courageous stories of the same gender couples who allowed themselves to be examined and cross-examined, stepping into a place of great love and vulnerability to witness for all.
     Perhaps it was the prosection who called no witnesses, narrowing the case “into the head” and away from the heart, as she suggested. If this isn’t a matter of both – what have we become?
     All of this contributed to my distress, but still there was more to it. Of course, I admit to holding Janie as best friend, prophet, mentor, and example of who we are and what can be in the church when at our very best. Even the PJC didn’t contradict that. They commended Janie on her prophetic and exemplary ministry and then failed to exercise any of the same prophecy or courage they so lauded.
     I know that’s getting close to the anger, because the quiet voice inside me almost cries out, “How dare they?!”
     And then to say they love Janie as they handed down the verdict. To apologize for the church and all it has done wrong to the LGBT community. To thank the power of the witnesses and their hearts, thanking them for sharing their lives in ways no one has been asked to do in being accepted in this church, and then to succumb to the injustice of a constitution they referred to as confusing and in conflict with itself…was almost too much to process in any rational way. To say we love you in such a way is to really say, “We don’t want you.” It was stunning in all the wrong directions.
     That’s when it started to hit me. I knew from the start that PJC had the power that seldom comes to people to make an incredible change in an unjust system. Had they voted acquittal and stood as tall as the accused, stating for all to hear that there was no way they could find this minister and these couples guilty of anything except faithfulness and enhancing this church – what an amazing day it could have been! Had they ruled in alignment with their hearts and their heads, they could have sent a message to the church, society, and the whole nation that this church, this PC(USA) would not stand for this attack on one of their own (their own) or the LGBT community they considered family, if they had anything to say about it. And, if as I believe is true, they were convinced as they said that this ruling would move the discussion forward – then why do it in such a hurtful way? Why not vote 6-0 in favor of acquittal. I promise you that such a verdict would have produced appeals in a heartbeat. Instead of beating down those you say you love and admire - you would have lifted them up for the first time in this church in a way that truly had meaning.
     In his “Letter from a Birmingham Jail,” Martin Luther King said, “Any law that uplifts human personality is just. Any law that degrades human personality is unjust.” That’s the measure of just how wrong this all was.
     And there it is. Although I have felt opposed, marginalized, mischaracterized, and demeaned, I have never experienced such blatant degradation in all my time in the PC(USA). And what made it worse, what made me angrier is that this decision degraded an entire community of people. It did it in accordance with the law, as they saw it. Did anyone say, "Gospel"?
     And, it’s here that the anger takes a deep dive through what I had just imagined to be fear on the part of others toward our community. This verdict and the subsequent rationale and comments of the PJC and others articulated a deep and institutionalized aversion to us, a feeling of dislike for us that is so strong that it produced this institutionalized reaction. My free fall of anger to utter sadness is hinged here, hinged on the meaning of deep aversion and intense dislike, for sadly this is a definition of hatred. I must have been naïve for I never once thought this was at the root of all our struggles in the church. How could we follow Christ and be so distant, at the same time?
     While I call no one on the commission or otherwise involved hateful, we need to acknowledge that the reason that the LGBT community is not fully integrated in this PC(USA) is because of such irrational sentiments and the distance that fear produces. Not a fear of those of us who are LGBT, I suggest, but a fear of calling this illness what it is.
     So, as Dr. King also once said, “Where do we go from here?”
     Dr. King’s response was, “…we must first honestly recognize where we are now.”
     Where we are now is a church divided. We are not divided by people who are LGBT who want to belong. We are divided by the culture of hate that has invaded us from all around us. We have embraced the hate of sectarian interests and cobbled it together to represent the PC(USA) in judging the lives of our sisters and brothers who are LGBT. Instead of leading by the gospel against the violence and damage of institutionally degrading this community, we have mislead ourselves by our aversion to others. And in the process, to protect our own failings, we have marginalized others.
     Folks, we cannot wait for institutional change to address these injustices that are creeping us closer and closer to no return from hatred and violence. If we as a church cannot rise up with the leadership of those like The Rev. Dr. Spahr and stand by them fully – we will continue to feed the culture that surrounds us with our own witness of fear and acquiescence. We seem to willingly replace justice and prophecy with doing things “decently and in order” – and fail to treat those we accuse with anything like the decency and primary order of ours being the Church of Jesus Christ.
     It is not enough to look at the things which we do well as church, which are many. We also need to enter into the wrong we are doing others – and address them now. If we can accept the disharmony and degradation of others as an acceptable price to pay for the years it will take to right this abomination of exclusion of the people who are LGBT, then indeed we have no idea what this is all about. It may be that the mountain of such pain we have caused over the years has made us immune to the complicity of this sad state in which we now find ourselves.
     From that place, loving us…means nothing at all. It’s enough to make one angry…and very sad.
     But just in case you might be hoping, it’s no where near enough for us to give up. Folks are fond of asking, why don't you find another denomination. The answer is simple, "This cannot be a whole church without us, and we love you too much to leave you."